He touched my heart

I am a seeker of God. I've always been. And I love to pray. I prayed in so many ways.

I search for God-connection, that is self realization, since I can think. It is sometimes the only reason why I get up in the morning. The idea of this reality we live in being all there is, was simply insane for me.

So at a really young age I did all kind of substances, like really everything, from 14 until 24, to alter my conscious state. It was a really primitive way to be in bliss...

(By the way the german words for addiction "Sucht" and for quest "Suche"have the same roots.)

Then I fell in Love with men and searched for realization through sexuality. I think all these majestic states of ecstasy are just a little little glimpse of the true everlasting joy that is felt when being One with God. I would even say that all connection to other beings that we are practizing and longing for are actually the need to be connected to source, to the Most High. 

 I started meditating and 2013 my teacher Guruji Paramahansa Yogananda came to me. In a really amazing way. He is still guiding me, so I find God connection in meditation.

In 2016 I was brought to the wixarikas, a native mexican tribe and I started with ceremonies and learned how to pray, in front of the fire, old school way. So I can really say I found God through nature! 

My teacher brought me this year to Jesus! It was the 5th of january 2021. I never considered Jesus... now I love him! The encounter with Jesus, his name is Yeshua, was the most special event in my life and changed everything!

I was in deep meditation as Guruji told me to shift the focus from the 3rd eye to the heart. Since 2014 I am practizing this special meditation and he never said something like this. So I went with my awareness to my heart. I didn't really know what to "do/be" there until an image of Jesus popped up in my mind. An image where he opens up his chest and from his heart radiate two light beams, one goldish and one silverish amazingly bright. All the muscles around my chest up to my neck to the shoulders and my arms detracted and relaxed. I never thought about Jesus, Yeshua, until this moment! I asked him: "Jesus, could you open up my heart, please?" I asked and reasked with all my Love until...a huge handformed light came towards me and touched my heart softly. This light just slightly touched me but it was enough to let all my cells overflow with Light that was pure Love. Starting from my heartspace as a ripple effect through my cells into my whole body. This was the very first time I felt real Love.

I met Jesus.

Yeshua

A little bit more of this Light and I would have probably died. Puro Puro amor.

Exactly one month after this experience Paramahansa Yogananda also brought me to Reid, a man who introduced me to the bible, this is all that I needed. Reid brought me to read the book. Since then I read the word of God. I need little dosis because the downloads to the verses are immense. Holy Spirit whispers and lets me read the signs and inbetween the lines.

It is everything I was searching for. Whole story of humanity is written there in codes and symbols. 

I know that God is formless omnipresent, almighty consciousness, pure love and intelligence. The thought who minded us. Creator of all that is. And we are made in his image! It is not the physical form, it is the spirit! We are not only part of creation and creatures - We are all little creators of our universes. 

We want to grasp God and name it but it is just too big. We simply cant put it in a box I love it. I love God, the Most High. I try to do all through and for him. 

The way to God is Love. Jesus is Love. God is the way. Love is way.